The Consumer Product Safety Commission has finally determined that babies and children are the real problem for consumers.

They get into everything. They put stuff in their mouths, like lead-painted toys that obviously are not meant to be sucked on. They break things so that they can maim themselves on the resulting broken shards. They pull apart little pieces and swallow them, sometimes repeatedly. All of these actions result in injury. And lawsuits.

The American people should not have to shoulder such a burden. Lawsuits will put out of business the corporations that produce these supposedly hazardous materials. When these companies go under, jobs will be lost. Safety Commissions will be rendered useless. And then what will we do with all that lead paint we just mixed up? Are we really going to bury seven million tiny magnets in the desert of Arizona next to the cartridges of ET?

My suggestion is that we put an end to this senselessness. The real problem here is the children. Not only do they hurt themselves with these harmless objects that they fashion into weapons, but they themselves are weapons.

My son, who is now just over 7 months old and has the cutest fuzzy head and big blue eyes, out of nowhere and without provocation, bit me with a razor-sharp tooth last Thursday. He didn't draw blood, but he could have. He did break the skin on my finger.

We need to stop giving these kids toys. My son only gets the cardboard boxes, everything else gets thrown away. We also need to put warning labels on babies, especially the cute, innocent looking ones.